Its 11.00pm. Im worried bout tomorrow. No matter what happens I will have to face it. I know I can take it.... no.. I shd say I have to take it. Oh what the fuck. Tmr then see how ba.

Made a right decision today. Told an uncle of mine on what happened. I really felt better immediately as I can't handle this alone. God, please bless my family. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. I am just a fragile girl acting to be tough. Im sick of people telling me to be strong. I don't how to be strong. Been overly worried bout this... to the point of feeling sick. Nauseated! Can't eat... cant sleep well... FEAR!

Im losing focus already. I don't know what the fuck I have been doing. Where is my portfolio? Gosh, can someone pls kick my ass? I want back my time... February is ending.. *sob*

我不要做黄芷筠!!!

Feeling exceptionally upset now.
But I do not wish to broadcast the problem.

In short,
"Don't keep telling me these words... you don't know how much it hurts..."

I don't know why things turn out this way. This is not something I can stomach so easily. Why my apparant normal life is so not normal? I just want a simple life. A happy life. But its always hard for me. I really tried my best to be strong... n I realised that I am not strong at all. I wish I could hide under my blanket... I wish for a hug from my mom.

I wish I know what I can do. I wish I can control my own life.

________________________________________________________________________________

The above blog is written in a confused state of mind. For me to vent my fustration. Don't ask me whats wrong.

LET GO

How things stand, I couldn't just forget you
I can't just shut you away
While I know that we couldn't let it get any deeper
No matter what, I've got to let you know how I feel
Especially when I'm giving it all I've got
I want your heart boy, even if it's just for one moment

I'm still drowning in this love that cannot be
I don't want to wake from this dream CAN'T LET GO
It's selfish, but I don't care
I want your unwavering love right here

come one now baby, come on...

yeah, yeah, yeah...
It all started off with "Hey how you doin'?"
yeah, yeah, yeah...
A love story wound open as we met eye to eye
yeah, yeah, yeah...
And now, I'm left wondering "do love and loss come as a set?"
yeah, yeah, yeah...
Time stands still, even though I left you

I make myself believe that I'm alright
Though it hurts my heart for you not to be by my side
Just wanderin' if you feel the same (same)
I wanna see if these feelings are for real

Idling away your life doesn't make you nobody
So don't be afraid, loosen up your reins
If you wanna be free, let go... I'm tellin' you
EGO is terrorism of the heart

so, just listen

Though sweet and silent time passes by
My body - It's breaking apart, boy why does it have to be like this?

I'm envoloped by dark anxiety. (I feel like I'm going to break.)
Oh why do I try to monopolise love?
All without saying a thing
All I want is for your love to be right here


I lept aboard just as the Love Train's doors began to shut
A man who doesn't like to wait, straight no chase
Speeding towards the reality we now face. run, run run,
The hands on my watch don't stop
The magic that only works once, the key to destiny
How suddenly things changed, it ridicules logic
Don't hurry and Mr. Heartbreak might stay
Rewind, fade, the memory returns

Tell me how to be free
Oh baby, oh baby
Will my heart be free
So tell me even for just a moment

Hoho... it's Feb 2006 le~ 8th day of CNY.
For me, it's a brand new start of my life. End of my job. End of the old me.

Current plan is to relax a bit.. and to rethink what I wanna do.
I guess this is a good time for me to take a break. Dun wanna care what others think. Like I always said, I got my own weird thinking. I hope I can figure out what I want.

Played with my blog again and ended up with this.
"In loving memory of Grace"??
lolz.. it does gave you that feeling doesn't it?
But I just love this picture of mine that I got to use it. If I am going to die soon... please use this picture.

In case I frightened all those reading my blog... Im PERFECTLY FINE~ =) hee
Will do a nicer layout or change the color scheme when I feel like doing it...
haha... meantime do bear with this layout.

A late happy CNY to everyone! Had a great time this year with all the house visiting and ang baos collection. Cheers! Hope you guys had fun too!!